I want to do a few things. I feel I have to do a few things. Then I end up evading them by doing another few things because I cannot just sit and do nothing and accept that or the flow of my life as-is. It has to be something else. Whatever it is, it has to be something else. Even if I got the other thing or came close to it, it becomes what I have, and it cannot be acceptable. So, it is structural.
I wonder if I could give up all things.
I wonder if I could give up exercising, my interest in computers, advancing my career, dreaming about doing amazing things with computers, my imaginary future legal fights, my political aspirations, my travels, seeing things I want to see on distant travels, dating, sex, pleasure, food, understanding, and even happiness.
I wonder if I could just live from this flow where nothing matters but everything is. Nothing matters one way or another but everything is. If I date, fine; if not fine. If have a great body fine, if not fine. If I play with computers fine, if I do nothing of the sort then I’m still fine. Yeah, that one is strong. Can I live from what is? And honor whatever arises from there.
I think I can. Yes, I can.