Well, I just finished reading the introduction to Phenomenology of Perception. It’s a sad day indeed. I sensed it was over several “pages” before it ended even though the % complete on the kindle reader was saying only 84% finished. I was anxious for another book that continues the stream from Heidegger though Merleau-Ponty onward. But I think the best thing to do is for me to continue onward with what I have.
Before going to bed I became clear to what got me into this whole endeavor. As a child, I grew up in circumstances that denied my being, which I carried on from my circumstances into adulthood. But since I had my being all along and I sensed it, I thought about it. That was also fueling my anxiety about the situation. But since being is not to simulate being, and thinking is a kind of “awareness in” and causes an illusion of “awareness of” and the entirety of “Objective Thought”, I thought I could make a kind of “Data” from StarTrek TNG. I now know that is a complete fallacy and an illusion. Being is embodied, embedded, and social.
I think the moment came where I feel I have to abandon this. And yes, I’d like to, very much. I am free from the obligations placed on my being from childhood. I now know I rest on the momentum of being here and the vast powers it affords me. In it I live forever. It is wonderful to emerge once again from this dip with all these skills, knowledge, and resources. I still like computers and electronics. Those need not be abandoned too. I am still employed as a sysadmin to bring automation to our clients; and I still prototype constantly by scripting. And finally, I’m still very much interested in programming whenever my time and interest allows. I just have a few small blocks of habit left. I’m very happy I was able to remove the biggest one of them all. I am now left with the act itself and the new reality of it to practice getting used to.