Well, first my mind was occupied with a kind of law streamlining system. Then I discovered that’s my way of being interested in things. Then I expressed interest in the same way with many other little things, like a speed dating service. Thankfully I was able to give that up and learned how to calm my mind in general. But boy; was it hard with this one: LET Systems or Local Trade Exchange Systems or LETS.
I just finish reading Rushkoff’s Program or Be Programmed. I also read his Life inc., the ideas of which he re-iterated here, here and here. I also looked at these two, and this, this and this. Also this. All that made my mind go crazy. My brain really likes to think about and build systems like that.
I think I’m free now from that obsession. I think the conditions included documentation so that it can go back to it if it wants. But for now, this realization will take its place in terms of energy: the anxiety the book created about relevance, legitimacy, “making it” or success, and the ultimate meaninglessness and change of all things… somehow got redirected into a solution that was already proposed in the previous book. Come to think of it, it is a common practice: create anxiety (or excess energy) then redirect it into a thought (or solution). We do it to ourselves and others do it to us, as well.
Thankfully, I now realize that I am alive and living as long as I am however I am. I feel what I feel however that feels and it is fine. If I want to act I can, freely. And if I want to leverage, which I do, then I'd like to continue my venture into programming, from scripting. And enjoy the spirituality it brought me, the philosophical foundation it helped me build, and the various affordances it gave me like a traditional job, exercising and just general peace.