This company seems to be doing a version of something I was thinking about for a while. It is nice to see my thoughts being shared and thought by others.
As I was cutting fruit, I was thinking, wouldn’t it be nice to see if I can work for these people. Then I thought about already working for them and how that would be like. I imagined being entrenched and consumed by furthering their work and making it my life’s work… and that’s when it hit me. Why am I making the victimization I feel into further reality, by seeking out venues to affirm it?
I realized this before, when I asked myself, why am I so sensitive to commands and unfriendly requests from unseasoned managers? Even though I know this manager has no malice and does not really care about the job? The answer was, I still internally believe I’m subjugated or subjugation material and seek out others or re-create them in an image that affirms that… simply because I’m used to it, still, from my old days and don’t know how else to be.
Now I’m realizing that I’ve been doing that with the entirety of my law interest! All these intricate plans, connected systems, distribution channels, and clever schemes… were just me practicing converting my emotions into thoughts in another area of my life for the same aspect.
It was wonderful realizing this. I should could fruit more often, in the same clarity and calmness. In fact, I’d like to do that with every event and non-event in my days.