Well, I just finished reading the introduction to Phenomenology of Perception. It’s a sad day indeed. I sensed it was over several “pages” before it ended even though the % complete on the kindle reader was saying only 84% finished. I was anxious for another book that continues the stream from Heidegger though Merleau-Ponty onward. But I think the best thing to do is for me to continue onward with what I have.
Before going to bed I became clear to what got me into this whole endeavor. As a child, I grew up in circumstances that denied my being, which I carried on from my circumstances into adulthood. But since I had my being all along and I sensed it, I thought about it. That was also fueling my anxiety about the situation. But since being is not to simulate being, and thinking is a kind of “awareness in” and causes an illusion of “awareness of” and the entirety of “Objective Thought”, I thought I could make a kind of “Data” from StarTrek TNG. I now know that is a complete fallacy and an illusion. Being is embodied, embedded, and social.
I think the moment came where I feel I have to abandon this. And yes, I’d like to, very much. I am free from the obligations placed on my being from childhood. I now know I rest on the momentum of being here and the vast powers it affords me. In it I live forever. It is wonderful to emerge once again from this dip with all these skills, knowledge, and resources. I still like computers and electronics. Those need not be abandoned too. I am still employed as a sysadmin to bring automation to our clients; and I still prototype constantly by scripting. And finally, I’m still very much interested in programming whenever my time and interest allows. I just have a few small blocks of habit left. I’m very happy I was able to remove the biggest one of them all. I am now left with the act itself and the new reality of it to practice getting used to.
What am I doing here?
Well, I’ve been living from what-is not what-should, must, need, or better be. It’s a wonderful world. I’m just living… contented, and clarity follows… as a matter-of-fact-ly with no efforting required. The key is to get used to, emotionally, not living from expectation and just being ok.
So, one day I was spending my time following idle pursuits, when I read this comparison. It reminded me of a time when I did the same a while back, twice: once to leave Emacs Lisp for Common Lisp, and once gain from that to Clojure. I thought: oh, this should be good. Since it settled on newLisp I wanted to check it out. It was very intriguing. After some pause and feeling “troubled” for a while, I think I’m getting glimmers of clarity… about myself, my interests, and general pursuits. This article helped.
I think about many possible systems as a way of expressing interest. I finally realize that for what it is, and not as realities I have to “recon with”. This includes my very interest in programming. That really calmed me down. With newLisp I realized that I already have a decent and agile environment to deploy anything as a typical sysadmin / armchair programmer / scripter. Essentially, I can extend the paid work I currently do from Visual Basic and Office applications to light websites, file systems, network coordinated applications, GUI applications, and wherever else a typical scripting language could take me.
That was troubling. But since I live in a trouble-free world, I quickly realized that my true interest is in spending time itching away at this mountain to shape it into one of those cities in stone. Well, maybe not a big mountain and a city, but a little one and a little stone building… but it’s that act itself. That’s not an ephemeral interest. I would really like to see that through... outside of time. I know, those two sentences cancel each for the mind, but it’s true for my feelings.
I’d like to spend my time itching away at an “ideal IDE” mountain, period. And its Clojure and Eclipse. I'm not really interested in building any of the systems I constantly conceive. I already have that scratch itched at work using the scripting language I already now. Right now, I am really only interested in spending time on this ideal IDE idea I'm trying to reveal in the rock.
Wow, it’s really nice to be this clear.
So, one day I was spending my time following idle pursuits, when I read this comparison. It reminded me of a time when I did the same a while back, twice: once to leave Emacs Lisp for Common Lisp, and once gain from that to Clojure. I thought: oh, this should be good. Since it settled on newLisp I wanted to check it out. It was very intriguing. After some pause and feeling “troubled” for a while, I think I’m getting glimmers of clarity… about myself, my interests, and general pursuits. This article helped.
I think about many possible systems as a way of expressing interest. I finally realize that for what it is, and not as realities I have to “recon with”. This includes my very interest in programming. That really calmed me down. With newLisp I realized that I already have a decent and agile environment to deploy anything as a typical sysadmin / armchair programmer / scripter. Essentially, I can extend the paid work I currently do from Visual Basic and Office applications to light websites, file systems, network coordinated applications, GUI applications, and wherever else a typical scripting language could take me.
That was troubling. But since I live in a trouble-free world, I quickly realized that my true interest is in spending time itching away at this mountain to shape it into one of those cities in stone. Well, maybe not a big mountain and a city, but a little one and a little stone building… but it’s that act itself. That’s not an ephemeral interest. I would really like to see that through... outside of time. I know, those two sentences cancel each for the mind, but it’s true for my feelings.
I’d like to spend my time itching away at an “ideal IDE” mountain, period. And its Clojure and Eclipse. I'm not really interested in building any of the systems I constantly conceive. I already have that scratch itched at work using the scripting language I already now. Right now, I am really only interested in spending time on this ideal IDE idea I'm trying to reveal in the rock.
Wow, it’s really nice to be this clear.
Mind Wrap-Around
I like to stick my brain in things, if you pardon the pun. Have you ever heard people say something like “I’m trying to wrap my brain around this”. I never liked that expression. It conjures up images of icky sticky gray matter all over the place like in a low grade sci-fi movie. But I don't mind it now.
Anyway, I noticed that when I’m interested in things, I think about them… obviously. But I do that in my usual “perfectionist to my own detriment” manner. Usually that means I try to fully compute how that works. And whenever I do that, I always end-up designing a system that alters the human processes portion and introduces extensive automation… all in my head. When, really, I was just casually interested in the subject.
Merleau-Ponty is my favorite philosopher these days. I’m reading an introduction to his book “Phenomenology of Perception”. I’ll be very sad when that’s over. Anyway, he says that intelligence is embodiment and thinking is a form of embodied action. This helped me realize that I was simply engaging in an interest using my “coping skills” the very skills for which I’m currently employed.
This awareness coupled with my recent practice of “living from flow” as opposed to any kind of order, imposition, obligation, requirement, or design I made up or agreed to without realizing… helped me choose to stop especially when I felt overwhelmed. Goodness knows I would not normally let something like that stop me.
As I brought back my mental selves from all their “possibilities”, I confirmed that I was only interested in these ghosts; they were not real. I noticed that they were all centered around making computers conform to my will, to extend my “mental self” using computers with minimal “heavy duty” involvement with the computers themselves. Somehow I also realized that I can live outside of all these imaginings and extensions including the core interest. I felt free, but frightened, and not wanting to give up at least that center.
I am now settling on that I could do both. I could walk towards peace and truly live from flow with no imposition from my mind in anyway… and simultaneously explore making computers the limited repositories of intelligence and active machinery that they are, or how I see them in my head and how they should be in my environment.
Really, that’s what I like... in philosophy, computing and spirituality. Thankfully, in a "post-PC" era, where people left behind the desktop, even the web, in favor of "mobile computing" and all the patents involved, I’m happy sticking with “low tech” desktop computing… where the IDE lives. It is also fun to see myself as just another guy, living his life because he is alive. Not trying this in order for that.
Yes. Isn’t that nice.
Anyway, I noticed that when I’m interested in things, I think about them… obviously. But I do that in my usual “perfectionist to my own detriment” manner. Usually that means I try to fully compute how that works. And whenever I do that, I always end-up designing a system that alters the human processes portion and introduces extensive automation… all in my head. When, really, I was just casually interested in the subject.
Merleau-Ponty is my favorite philosopher these days. I’m reading an introduction to his book “Phenomenology of Perception”. I’ll be very sad when that’s over. Anyway, he says that intelligence is embodiment and thinking is a form of embodied action. This helped me realize that I was simply engaging in an interest using my “coping skills” the very skills for which I’m currently employed.
This awareness coupled with my recent practice of “living from flow” as opposed to any kind of order, imposition, obligation, requirement, or design I made up or agreed to without realizing… helped me choose to stop especially when I felt overwhelmed. Goodness knows I would not normally let something like that stop me.
As I brought back my mental selves from all their “possibilities”, I confirmed that I was only interested in these ghosts; they were not real. I noticed that they were all centered around making computers conform to my will, to extend my “mental self” using computers with minimal “heavy duty” involvement with the computers themselves. Somehow I also realized that I can live outside of all these imaginings and extensions including the core interest. I felt free, but frightened, and not wanting to give up at least that center.
I am now settling on that I could do both. I could walk towards peace and truly live from flow with no imposition from my mind in anyway… and simultaneously explore making computers the limited repositories of intelligence and active machinery that they are, or how I see them in my head and how they should be in my environment.
Really, that’s what I like... in philosophy, computing and spirituality. Thankfully, in a "post-PC" era, where people left behind the desktop, even the web, in favor of "mobile computing" and all the patents involved, I’m happy sticking with “low tech” desktop computing… where the IDE lives. It is also fun to see myself as just another guy, living his life because he is alive. Not trying this in order for that.
Yes. Isn’t that nice.
Android "Intents" API
I like this.
Intents is one of the best and most powerful parts of the Android platform, and one that is often overlooked when comparing to iOS.
In pretty much any Android application under the sun, you can hit "Share" from a menu or button somewhere. When you do that, whatever data you have in that app posts a message to android saying "Hey, I want to share this (image/jpg or text/xml or application/octet-stream)... and any other application on the system that is registered to handle that intent's mime type will show up as something to share to.
This is what lets you share videos from anywhere on the phone not only to YouTube, but also to Picassa, DropBox, SMB, Email, or any other app that says they can handle videos or binary files.
It's a really powerful and flexable application cross-commnication system, that makes all kinds of otherwise disconnected third-party applications work together seemlessly for the user. For example, I can "Share" my PhotoStich images with my Dropbox, directly inside the application.... and none of the PhotoStitch or Dropbox developers had to talk to each other to make that happen.
I Feel Choked
I want to do a few things. I feel I have to do a few things. Then I end up evading them by doing another few things because I cannot just sit and do nothing and accept that or the flow of my life as-is. It has to be something else. Whatever it is, it has to be something else. Even if I got the other thing or came close to it, it becomes what I have, and it cannot be acceptable. So, it is structural.
I wonder if I could give up all things.
I wonder if I could give up exercising, my interest in computers, advancing my career, dreaming about doing amazing things with computers, my imaginary future legal fights, my political aspirations, my travels, seeing things I want to see on distant travels, dating, sex, pleasure, food, understanding, and even happiness.
I wonder if I could just live from this flow where nothing matters but everything is. Nothing matters one way or another but everything is. If I date, fine; if not fine. If have a great body fine, if not fine. If I play with computers fine, if I do nothing of the sort then I’m still fine. Yeah, that one is strong. Can I live from what is? And honor whatever arises from there.
I think I can. Yes, I can.
I wonder if I could give up all things.
I wonder if I could give up exercising, my interest in computers, advancing my career, dreaming about doing amazing things with computers, my imaginary future legal fights, my political aspirations, my travels, seeing things I want to see on distant travels, dating, sex, pleasure, food, understanding, and even happiness.
I wonder if I could just live from this flow where nothing matters but everything is. Nothing matters one way or another but everything is. If I date, fine; if not fine. If have a great body fine, if not fine. If I play with computers fine, if I do nothing of the sort then I’m still fine. Yeah, that one is strong. Can I live from what is? And honor whatever arises from there.
I think I can. Yes, I can.
Self-Enhancing by Self-Flogging
Today, I was reading about patent reform and about all the players involved. I noticed that I was in such seeping pain. I was also doing it to myself through a kind of compulsion. I realized that I was bearing all these people’s interests and reinterpreting them as personal burdens on me. Everything they were doing, their desires, and very existence was just weight on my person.
I felt the direction of it. And thought; well, I don’t understand this. But I can isolate it. God knows how strong it is. I can feel it. I wonder if I can reverse it. Whatever it is, just point it in the other direction. I am doing it but not really doing it. I know how to flip things. I should be able to do this.
And suddenly I saw the tree above the goods rack through the glass from the grocery store. It was wonderful. I was calm. Then later I realized that I grew up being an “inconvenience” and a burden of sorts to a narcissistic parent. So, I believed it as a child and carried it on as the only way I knew how to be in response to that constant forming pressure.
Then an image came to me. It was of transparent a sphere of reality that connects to existence and reflects it and transmits. It forms it and creates it. It is like a mirror or air or a crystal. It was part of reality yet it was reality. And somehow I could not just let it exist to, say, change the view on the color of a building it is reflecting to something else if it chose to for no reason or a temporary reason.
No, I had to tie it with something and choke it, to feel something, to feel that it exists. But I could not believe what I was feeling. So, I had to poke it with even more strength with poles with heavy weights or force digging into it until the sphere became black where pressure was so that it distorted the reality it was reflecting. It was very painful. But somehow I was getting off of that in a very sick way.
I like that image. It was very helpful to see what I was doing and how I could be. I wonder if I could apply that consistently in my life and in other areas and just live.
I felt the direction of it. And thought; well, I don’t understand this. But I can isolate it. God knows how strong it is. I can feel it. I wonder if I can reverse it. Whatever it is, just point it in the other direction. I am doing it but not really doing it. I know how to flip things. I should be able to do this.
And suddenly I saw the tree above the goods rack through the glass from the grocery store. It was wonderful. I was calm. Then later I realized that I grew up being an “inconvenience” and a burden of sorts to a narcissistic parent. So, I believed it as a child and carried it on as the only way I knew how to be in response to that constant forming pressure.
Then an image came to me. It was of transparent a sphere of reality that connects to existence and reflects it and transmits. It forms it and creates it. It is like a mirror or air or a crystal. It was part of reality yet it was reality. And somehow I could not just let it exist to, say, change the view on the color of a building it is reflecting to something else if it chose to for no reason or a temporary reason.
No, I had to tie it with something and choke it, to feel something, to feel that it exists. But I could not believe what I was feeling. So, I had to poke it with even more strength with poles with heavy weights or force digging into it until the sphere became black where pressure was so that it distorted the reality it was reflecting. It was very painful. But somehow I was getting off of that in a very sick way.
I like that image. It was very helpful to see what I was doing and how I could be. I wonder if I could apply that consistently in my life and in other areas and just live.
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