A Conversation with A Computer
I posted this originally on July 20, 2011...
Here is a conversation with the ship computer from Star Trek Next Generation, season 3, episode 25...
Data : Computer, run transformational matrix calculations. Match navigational referents to known stars in this sector.
Computer: Information on this sector is incomplete. No correlation.
La Forge: I'm not giving up yet. Not after coming so close to cracking this thing. You know, that might be flight path information from John's ship, but without a frame of reference, I can't determine its origin points.
Data : "Computer, assume those paths are course corrections and derive gravitational values for stellar objects near those flight paths." Most of these are ordinary G-type stars. This would appear to be a neutron star, possibly a pulsar.
La Forge: Which means that this might be a rotational time reference.
Data : "Computer, assume these symbols are pulsars. Translate associated values into standard temporal notations. Computer, is there a pulsar with a rotational period of one point five two four four seconds within sensor range?"
Computer: "Affirmative."
La Forge: "Bingo! Now, Computer, overlay navigational chart using referenced pulsars and project a flight path back to it's origin."
Computer: "Flight path originated at bearing zero zero three, mark zero one five. Distance, two point three parsecs.
I think making this is possible and very joyous to bring about.
... end of previous post.
And now we have that in existence.
Luckily, I'm encouraged not discouraged by this. Because I enjoy my own "conversations" with a computer through Eclipse in Ecicpip. I once told a friend, it is like working with an interactive novel instead of passively reading it.
I think all software should have a conversational interface just like we would expect a GUI or a command-line interface for most functionality in software. A conversational interface that links to a "mothership" of sorts in case it cannot resolve something... should be expected.
Dan Ingalls, of Smalltalk the computer language, seems to agree. From "Coders at Work" by Peter Seibel.
And yes, with all the hoopla about automation and the fear it generates, people forget its shortfalls. But that's a different subject. I'm just excited for the possibility of ubiquitous conversational computer interfaces.
Here is a conversation with the ship computer from Star Trek Next Generation, season 3, episode 25...
Data : Computer, run transformational matrix calculations. Match navigational referents to known stars in this sector.
Computer: Information on this sector is incomplete. No correlation.
La Forge: I'm not giving up yet. Not after coming so close to cracking this thing. You know, that might be flight path information from John's ship, but without a frame of reference, I can't determine its origin points.
Data : "Computer, assume those paths are course corrections and derive gravitational values for stellar objects near those flight paths." Most of these are ordinary G-type stars. This would appear to be a neutron star, possibly a pulsar.
La Forge: Which means that this might be a rotational time reference.
Data : "Computer, assume these symbols are pulsars. Translate associated values into standard temporal notations. Computer, is there a pulsar with a rotational period of one point five two four four seconds within sensor range?"
Computer: "Affirmative."
La Forge: "Bingo! Now, Computer, overlay navigational chart using referenced pulsars and project a flight path back to it's origin."
Computer: "Flight path originated at bearing zero zero three, mark zero one five. Distance, two point three parsecs.
I think making this is possible and very joyous to bring about.
... end of previous post.
And now we have that in existence.
Luckily, I'm encouraged not discouraged by this. Because I enjoy my own "conversations" with a computer through Eclipse in Ecicpip. I once told a friend, it is like working with an interactive novel instead of passively reading it.
I think all software should have a conversational interface just like we would expect a GUI or a command-line interface for most functionality in software. A conversational interface that links to a "mothership" of sorts in case it cannot resolve something... should be expected.
Dan Ingalls, of Smalltalk the computer language, seems to agree. From "Coders at Work" by Peter Seibel.
We've gotten incredibly good with the programming systems and the languages we know. What if we were that good with logic programming? And had it integrated well? I think we would be doing extraordinarily more stuff in much more of a human-oriented space. It does go in the direction of artificial intelligence. [...]
So you take that and put it against all sorts of possibilities in logic programming, in rule-based systems, and artificial intelligence, and you have to know there's lots of progress to be made there. [...] What is a kernel apart from the language and the user interface? What other kernels are there? What if you build a kernel around logic programming [...] and what kinds of things can you do with that? I don't think that people are playing around with, tinkering with that stuff enough.
And yes, with all the hoopla about automation and the fear it generates, people forget its shortfalls. But that's a different subject. I'm just excited for the possibility of ubiquitous conversational computer interfaces.
Resultant Commitments
I wanted to examine my current commitments because I’d really like to add one, if I can do it right.
Sometimes we are committed to things like “keeping up with tech news” if we are addicted to say “Tech Crunch”. Or I might be committed to “being informed about liberal political news” if I always keep up with "the Huffington Post"… etc. which are both a commitment to a kind of "mental masturbation" if you pardon the phrase. More pervasively, I could be committed to ensuring I always feel the lack of control I grew up with; So, I cultivate actions and attitudes that stifle me and limit me to a chronic lack of fulfillment.
My recent realization about, and newly found reduced commitment to work, left me with a lot more energy and freedom. So, I’d like to change my commitments.
No change to the following.
Sometimes we are committed to things like “keeping up with tech news” if we are addicted to say “Tech Crunch”. Or I might be committed to “being informed about liberal political news” if I always keep up with "the Huffington Post"… etc. which are both a commitment to a kind of "mental masturbation" if you pardon the phrase. More pervasively, I could be committed to ensuring I always feel the lack of control I grew up with; So, I cultivate actions and attitudes that stifle me and limit me to a chronic lack of fulfillment.
My recent realization about, and newly found reduced commitment to work, left me with a lot more energy and freedom. So, I’d like to change my commitments.
No change to the following.
- Continue eating well
- Continue saving for retirement
- Continue tending to my place and routines
- Continue my casual reading
- Continue my blogging
- Continue attending my support group
- Continue keeping in touch with family and friends
- Continue tending to myself and my spirituality
- Continue breaking my routines and indulging every once in a while
- Continue exercising but limit to every other day. Sometimes I get carried away and think I should do it every day. It’s not like I ever act on it, but I’d like to ensure that I don’t give it more space than simply every other day and no back-filling if I miss.
- Continue working at my current job, but switch to strict hours (8-5), limit caring and stress during those hours, look professional, and allow for doing other things than what I’m good at. In other words, turn my work into a mere job I’m paid to do that I happen to secondarily enjoy, not my life or my career. It is not a career.
- Limit watching TV to 1 show a weekday and 2 movies a weekend day.
- Embrace and expect events. If friends want to go for dinners, vacation, trips, drives, movies… etc. or I find other events to attend… I’d like to go for it and embrace it and not consider that an impediment to other things. It is a new commitment.
- Eliminate reading blogs, news, and discussion forums. Move any remaining desire for that into occasional routine-breaking. I really don’t want to fill my free minutes with that. If I have a few free minutes I’d like to read passages from my books or better yet just let it be quiet and think and do nothing or tend to other things.
- Eliminate any active steps towards dating or romantic relationships. Move any remaining desire there into events that I occasionally initiate. This social activity is so exhausting to me. I think I finally would like to embrace the fact that most of the people I know and respect are either single or have always been single.
- I’d like to add a habit of trusting what the moment brings, what my skills provide, and the is-ness of my surroundings, feelings, circumstances and the like. Make whatever I’m in primary. And whatever I’m planning or projecting or thinking and remembering secondary.
- I’d like to add a firm and real commitment to Ecicpip. I’d like to take it more seriously and think of it more visibly and consider it more often. And just give it chunks of 30 minutes here and there and large chunks of my weekend. But I’d like to stop (completely stop) the moment I turn it into something else and examine that. The moment I feel it is a career alternative, a resume builder, a peers' showcase, a dreams fulfiller, a world savior, or even a life meaning creator… I’d like to stop immediately and do something (anything) else. It must be protected from that pollution, and god knows I have a lot of that.
Career Planning
I came to realize that I live my life from a belief of:
As for the second one, it is very subtle; all my success is a kind of running away from that belief. It does not take me long to somehow agree that I’m useless or worthless or unworthy or simply unfit and no good, even when people tell me to my face that it is not true. I’ll find reasons to make it true especially when I’m not engaged in something… and it is very easy for “doings”; just re-apply them in the wrong context. And I’ve always thrust myself in the wrong context because I felt I won’t fit-in the right context because I won’t be any good. This only makes me not fit-in more which only reinforces the idea. Although it helps to be a “big fish in a small pond”… but I somehow turn it so that it is not good so that I am no good.
And that last one, it just seems to follow me wherever I go, whatever I see. I somehow set myself up as a hero with all the weight of the world on my shoulders, which only crushes and oppresses me even further, which add to my direness which only reinforces the idea.
I think that much of life - on this plane of existence - is a kind of self-fulfilling view. If it’s not one thing it is something else. There has to be something. So, I think it is helpful to:
This is a replacement of dying with living. It is not logical, not causal, and follows no reason. The previous self-fulfilling patterns are centered around pain from childhood, which is inevitable. I had to be run by my father. He only knew how to do it by exerting and imprinting control, which still remains with me. His world was so fragile that it was really dire for him when I did not conform to his world. And yes, that would make me no good and unfit.
All of this is not his fault. I think these are common human conditions that could be easily internalized no matter how “enlightened” a parent is. No matter how much a child grows, there will always be something they are not in control of. They will always be unfit for something. Things do become dire. It is easy to internalize any one of these and more. Any boy do I have a lot of pain in me. Some of it is due to sensitivity and some not current sensitivity but old, echoes of old senses. Some are from self-assertions of a weak ego… which brings me back to why I wrote this entry.
So, I understand that a lot of this is the pain speaking, but there is a legitimate question in there about what I want to do with my career that an incident at work brought up.
I guess the economy is catching up with my current workplace, or it seems to do so in my area. A primary client, for which I was hired for my familiarity with them and having strong pertinent analytical skills… is winding down. There was fear that I might have to be “re-purposed”. What I’m good at, if not augmented with other skills pertaining to what the practice is known for, might not be utilized well.
This is good for 2 reasons. I can prove to myself, once and for all that I’m really “not good” for what I already know, “am good” period and can be good at something new. And these people are willing to have me learn. The other thing is that these people still want me to stay, whereas others might just let me go and hire to the correct cog “ready-made”.
The not so good is that I’d be stepping away from computers and more into document review and analysis for legal support. I have to decide for myself if that means giving up what I normally do (data analysis in the context of project management) and if that means getting away from where I’d like to go for sure (eventually): computer automation of documents analysis.
Wait a minute.
Hmm. Did not think it would work that way. I just saw that it will be less computer intensive, which is true; when really it is going into an area of application and interest of automation. This way I’d do it by hand, which is the right thing to start off with. I guess there is no problem at all!
Well. This is reminding me that… and bringing up that…
But the last one does not feel oppressive and is largely setup in may favor. I am pursuing my “interests” in my sporadic spare time. And I keep a good schedule. And I am saving for retirement. So, the questions are not producing something automatic. I still have to have a will to move into something else. The only thing that will push me to do something is a squeeze at my workplace or if I was laid off. Then I’ll have to deal with my panic and what’s next. But that’s not what I want.
I’d like to choose to leave, not feel pushed to, even though I can choose from inside being pushed. But I can choose from inside not being pushed, from within indifference, from within “all hunky-dory” for now.
I think I wrote this entry because I want to make it a priority in my life to develop my strategy for what’s next for me after consulting and taking it more seriously and make it more real. I got reminded of this desire by a little squeeze at work. I thank the heavens for it.
Message delivered. I wonder what I can do about it, feel from it, create for it, or live from it. I’ll see next.
- I’m not in control
- I’m no good
- Everything is dire
As for the second one, it is very subtle; all my success is a kind of running away from that belief. It does not take me long to somehow agree that I’m useless or worthless or unworthy or simply unfit and no good, even when people tell me to my face that it is not true. I’ll find reasons to make it true especially when I’m not engaged in something… and it is very easy for “doings”; just re-apply them in the wrong context. And I’ve always thrust myself in the wrong context because I felt I won’t fit-in the right context because I won’t be any good. This only makes me not fit-in more which only reinforces the idea. Although it helps to be a “big fish in a small pond”… but I somehow turn it so that it is not good so that I am no good.
And that last one, it just seems to follow me wherever I go, whatever I see. I somehow set myself up as a hero with all the weight of the world on my shoulders, which only crushes and oppresses me even further, which add to my direness which only reinforces the idea.
I think that much of life - on this plane of existence - is a kind of self-fulfilling view. If it’s not one thing it is something else. There has to be something. So, I think it is helpful to:
- First acknowledge and take responsibility for what operating beliefs I already have
- Then realize that I can put-in another view simply by practice and remembering
- Finally, I’d like to put-in a pointer to the ultimate nothingness of all things
This is a replacement of dying with living. It is not logical, not causal, and follows no reason. The previous self-fulfilling patterns are centered around pain from childhood, which is inevitable. I had to be run by my father. He only knew how to do it by exerting and imprinting control, which still remains with me. His world was so fragile that it was really dire for him when I did not conform to his world. And yes, that would make me no good and unfit.
All of this is not his fault. I think these are common human conditions that could be easily internalized no matter how “enlightened” a parent is. No matter how much a child grows, there will always be something they are not in control of. They will always be unfit for something. Things do become dire. It is easy to internalize any one of these and more. Any boy do I have a lot of pain in me. Some of it is due to sensitivity and some not current sensitivity but old, echoes of old senses. Some are from self-assertions of a weak ego… which brings me back to why I wrote this entry.
So, I understand that a lot of this is the pain speaking, but there is a legitimate question in there about what I want to do with my career that an incident at work brought up.
I guess the economy is catching up with my current workplace, or it seems to do so in my area. A primary client, for which I was hired for my familiarity with them and having strong pertinent analytical skills… is winding down. There was fear that I might have to be “re-purposed”. What I’m good at, if not augmented with other skills pertaining to what the practice is known for, might not be utilized well.
This is good for 2 reasons. I can prove to myself, once and for all that I’m really “not good” for what I already know, “am good” period and can be good at something new. And these people are willing to have me learn. The other thing is that these people still want me to stay, whereas others might just let me go and hire to the correct cog “ready-made”.
The not so good is that I’d be stepping away from computers and more into document review and analysis for legal support. I have to decide for myself if that means giving up what I normally do (data analysis in the context of project management) and if that means getting away from where I’d like to go for sure (eventually): computer automation of documents analysis.
Wait a minute.
Hmm. Did not think it would work that way. I just saw that it will be less computer intensive, which is true; when really it is going into an area of application and interest of automation. This way I’d do it by hand, which is the right thing to start off with. I guess there is no problem at all!
Well. This is reminding me that… and bringing up that…
- I am bored with what I know how to do well, in any company context
- I am tired with the corporate model for earning a living, in any setting
- I want something new, but I think I want it in more tech not less
- I’m not “high-tech” enough to self-sustain a startup but I want to.
- Continue with my current company
- Not look for new work because it is all the same
- OR look for work in the startup sector and let go of my stability.
- Can you handle yourself with irregular income?
- Can you handle free time and open work hours?
- Do you have something that calls you to work on?
- Are you truly satisfied working the way you do?
But the last one does not feel oppressive and is largely setup in may favor. I am pursuing my “interests” in my sporadic spare time. And I keep a good schedule. And I am saving for retirement. So, the questions are not producing something automatic. I still have to have a will to move into something else. The only thing that will push me to do something is a squeeze at my workplace or if I was laid off. Then I’ll have to deal with my panic and what’s next. But that’s not what I want.
I’d like to choose to leave, not feel pushed to, even though I can choose from inside being pushed. But I can choose from inside not being pushed, from within indifference, from within “all hunky-dory” for now.
I think I wrote this entry because I want to make it a priority in my life to develop my strategy for what’s next for me after consulting and taking it more seriously and make it more real. I got reminded of this desire by a little squeeze at work. I thank the heavens for it.
Message delivered. I wonder what I can do about it, feel from it, create for it, or live from it. I’ll see next.
Being in Time
From the TV show Medium, quotes by Patricia Arquette as Alison Dubois...
All this time you are choosing to be angry, is time that you could have spent being happy; time just gone... and you never get it back.And…
There is a second… Gone. You'll never have it again.
There… There's another one, just wasted. We wasted it just holding on to anger. Know this; tomorrow when you wake up, you're gonna be a day closer to whatever you want. And you're gonna get that... whether you are angry or not. It's your choice.
Time is priceless, yet it costs us nothing. You can do anything you want with it, but you can’t own it. You can spend it, but you can’t keep it. And once you’ve lost it, there is no getting it back. It’s just gone.
Wills & Trusts
I’m reading a book that got me to think about putting together my will in the face of all the possible complications that could happen after death. Now, if I’m dead, I’m dead. It won’t matter who takes the money in what percentages or if it does not get distributed at all.
But I thought, let me take inventory anyway. So, I listed my “assets” and my “recipients”. I included my “anticipated debts” and “non-tangible assets”. It was fun. I then went into a “directives” area, where I would instruct the estate to take on “projects” and my project was to allocate an amount to get a Clojure consulting company or person to do the following.
My thinking was, if I’m going to die now, and this document is going to carryout my will and intentions, then I’m going to *spend* whatever money I have left to fund a project to do something I care about… if I cannot do it myself.
But then I remembered that when I’m dead, I’m dead! It won’t matter what I have achieved or not achieved. So the epiphany was that this is a reiteration of a project to do in my life (for my death, maybe) not after my death. So, it was nice to be clear that given a wonderful and a fulfilled and fulfilling life, I’d like to spend some time doing this… as a choice, from a place of choice because I want to not because I have to or need to.
I think I’d like that very much.
But I thought, let me take inventory anyway. So, I listed my “assets” and my “recipients”. I included my “anticipated debts” and “non-tangible assets”. It was fun. I then went into a “directives” area, where I would instruct the estate to take on “projects” and my project was to allocate an amount to get a Clojure consulting company or person to do the following.
- Create a basic Java-based plug-in for Eclipse that allows for creating Eclipse plug-ins in Clojure… even if it means re-packaging all of Eclipse RCP to do that.
- Use that to re-create and re-write the above in Clojure, i.e. create a plug-in creating RCP written in Clojure that can help you create plug-ins for Eclipse.
- Extend the improvements process of the above to a web-framework, where all your changes are shared and you can subscribe to other people’s changes.
My thinking was, if I’m going to die now, and this document is going to carryout my will and intentions, then I’m going to *spend* whatever money I have left to fund a project to do something I care about… if I cannot do it myself.
But then I remembered that when I’m dead, I’m dead! It won’t matter what I have achieved or not achieved. So the epiphany was that this is a reiteration of a project to do in my life (for my death, maybe) not after my death. So, it was nice to be clear that given a wonderful and a fulfilled and fulfilling life, I’d like to spend some time doing this… as a choice, from a place of choice because I want to not because I have to or need to.
I think I’d like that very much.
Tech Crowd Standards
I'm a tech person. My people used to be self-indulgent when we came in power. Think of a very bureaucratic and unkind person in a government office with little recourse elsewhere or around him. That's how we became in the "Age of Gates". I appreciate the "Age of Jobs" where now I'd think: how can I make this more intuitive, fuss-free, and a unified experience; instead of: I did this work, the least you could do is figure out how to use it... if you are smart enough.
But that's my adaptation of the what was given to us in this new age. Otherwise, I'll let my brethren speak for me. To be honest, some of them would not consider me "tech" enough. But I consider them distant family all the same. Together, I feel wary when we are unseated in favor of the masses. When what we do is replaced by an unchangeable, corporate, one-size-fits-all design that caters to the most basic and common standards of vain; straight from the book of fashion and apparel. It is very usurping especially when it is justified with our own core mantra: it gets the job done. And it does not help when my non-tech-savvy friends come to me for help despite the "superior design".
I guess even the "lords of automation" can fear automation just like all other professions. Who would have thought... Anyway, this is what I sent a friend one day: Why you are banned from Apple Devices.
Because when they fail, both you and I feel helpless. With non-Apple products, only you may feel helpless when they fail but I can help you. Because I'm not "disallowed" by the "grand design".
Article abridged:
Although you won’t find any Apple users who will admit it, Macs do occasionally crash and fail, sometimes in spectacular ways. [...] If your Mac [...] hard drive has failed [...] Internet Recovery takes over automatically. It downloads and starts Lion Recovery directly from Apple servers [...].But with a little bit of catering to the masses attitude from within the tech culture itself as a core value, not from outside it, we all can be better. And we won't have to worry about another "evil empire" eating our children and such fears that can easily be misunderstood as: you're just jealous... simplistic thinking.
Apple is making itself the net admin and switching from a local protocol to a remote one, that’s all. [...] This shouldering by Apple of bandwidth and administrative duties for non-power users is certainly indicative of their upcoming iCloud and iTunes strategies.
They’ve got motive and opportunity [...] to shift pretty much all your content server-side, including [...] the OS itself. [...] They’re taking responsibility away from the user [...] Obscuring the inside of the machine has been a priority for Apple for a decade. This is just another [...] portion of their moving everything but the very facade of their devices away from the grasp of the user, for good or ill.
Anyway, I've been wanting to admit this for a while. I dislike some parts, but I appreciate way more. And I don't think I'll be automated out of existence. My value is unpredicted on things outside me.
Of course, only later I discovered that I acted and lived from a world where my value was contingent on many factors outside myself, and most of all the very difficult task of "making it work" for someone else. Otherwise, I'm useless, I felt... and that's the worst fate anyone can get. So, I admitted that to my friend and told him: if it'll make you happy 80% of the time when it is working but make both you and I unhappy the remaining 20%, I'll take that in favor of any combination of fractions that amount to the reverse. I want your everyday well-being to be maximized. Because he really gets upset, almost road-rage like, when his computer fails. And I thought that was my problem automatically and only re-enforced my feelings of being useless which I was re-reinforcing by coming at it from a place of rebellion against a company that simply figured out a product that I used to perform and many people needed help with.
City of Origin
This is a tribute to my city of origin.
I grew up in a beautifully designed city with a modern architecture style of the 60s and 70s. Can you imagine? The designs normally limited to mansions by a coast and involving expensive architects was made available to the masses in a third world country throughout my childhood.
First it was my parents and myself in one of these "small family" units.
Then we moved to a townhouse elsewhere.
Here is an areal view showing some of the villas in the same style of the neighborhood. You are also looking at a portion of my high school. That is its pool.
Every school day, I went through here.
To go to this primary school.
Adjacent to this... whatever it is.
And yes, I had to go to this nearby mosque. Thanks to the lady who took these pictures of herself.
I enjoyed going to this McDonald's.
Then I went to this middle school.
Here is an areal view showing a nearby mall I used to go to after most school days.
Rotating a bit is where my van-pool driver lived, I think.
And this is where I went to summer school and the neighborhood where a friend lived. They had steep carpeted stairs we used to slide down over and over again.
Going back towards my neighborhood from here, you had to pass by "bachelor housing" in one neighborhood...
Onto "high-density housing" or apartments in a different neighborhood right next to mine.
Which had lots of space for congregating and kids.
Not to mention how wonderfully, whimsically, and simplistically it was designed... at least in certain parts of it like this streetlight shining over a random bench next to a parking lot facing a wall with a grid of holes.
And that's the end of the photo tour. Of course, I never really want to go back there physically. The city is run down now. Look at the paint. And that's just minor damage.
And it is really much different than what I think or remember. The city lives in the decaying present. My memories are from the past and live in me. For example, this is how my middle school really looks like compared to an earlier much more romantic shot.
The whole city is just a bunch of parcels... in the middle of sand, built by royal declaration (read: money), for much higher economic reasons than mere beauty, and had to be nursed through 4 reigns. But this is how I see it, because I grew up there and I love it.
Alas, I wouldn't choose to socialize with the inhabitants, nor they me. But the memories and nice feelings remain and live on in the image of this style of architecture and whatever triggers it. Most importantly, they live in me and symbolize inner joy which I can now summon using this imagery anytime I forget, or locate it in anything I see.
Ahh, I miss you my dear city.
I grew up in a beautifully designed city with a modern architecture style of the 60s and 70s. Can you imagine? The designs normally limited to mansions by a coast and involving expensive architects was made available to the masses in a third world country throughout my childhood.
First it was my parents and myself in one of these "small family" units.
Then we moved to a townhouse elsewhere.
Here is an areal view showing some of the villas in the same style of the neighborhood. You are also looking at a portion of my high school. That is its pool.
Every school day, I went through here.
To go to this primary school.
Adjacent to this... whatever it is.
And yes, I had to go to this nearby mosque. Thanks to the lady who took these pictures of herself.
I enjoyed going to this McDonald's.
Then I went to this middle school.
Here is an areal view showing a nearby mall I used to go to after most school days.
Rotating a bit is where my van-pool driver lived, I think.
And this is where I went to summer school and the neighborhood where a friend lived. They had steep carpeted stairs we used to slide down over and over again.
Going back towards my neighborhood from here, you had to pass by "bachelor housing" in one neighborhood...
Onto "high-density housing" or apartments in a different neighborhood right next to mine.
Which had lots of space for congregating and kids.
Not to mention how wonderfully, whimsically, and simplistically it was designed... at least in certain parts of it like this streetlight shining over a random bench next to a parking lot facing a wall with a grid of holes.
And that's the end of the photo tour. Of course, I never really want to go back there physically. The city is run down now. Look at the paint. And that's just minor damage.
And it is really much different than what I think or remember. The city lives in the decaying present. My memories are from the past and live in me. For example, this is how my middle school really looks like compared to an earlier much more romantic shot.
The whole city is just a bunch of parcels... in the middle of sand, built by royal declaration (read: money), for much higher economic reasons than mere beauty, and had to be nursed through 4 reigns. But this is how I see it, because I grew up there and I love it.
Alas, I wouldn't choose to socialize with the inhabitants, nor they me. But the memories and nice feelings remain and live on in the image of this style of architecture and whatever triggers it. Most importantly, they live in me and symbolize inner joy which I can now summon using this imagery anytime I forget, or locate it in anything I see.
Ahh, I miss you my dear city.
Memories
In this game, there are seven 3-D blocks shaped in specific ways meant to make various shapes on cards. I was playing around trying to solve a shape puzzle from one of the cards, but I ended up making this interesting looking corner. It reminded me of my city of origin. Maybe I'll make a tribute to it later.
Front view
Back view
Yes, modern architecture. I'm a very big fan. You can't blame me. I lived in a completely-designed and well thought-out urban environment. What luck to be able to read about my very childhood neighborhood from some architecture book. No, I'm middle class. I lived in one of the townhouses, not the villas. You'll see more when I show you the city later.
The truth is - I'm discovering - it's not really about the architecture, although it is pretty. And it's not about the city, although it is nostalgic. It is about the memories. And those exist in the past... and that resides in me. And that is an innate vehicle for joy. And what I'd like to remember is that comes from me and is within me... every moment; not from a decaying, prefabricated city-project, in a desert, in some third world, closed, oil rich country.
The truth is - I'm discovering - it's not really about the architecture, although it is pretty. And it's not about the city, although it is nostalgic. It is about the memories. And those exist in the past... and that resides in me. And that is an innate vehicle for joy. And what I'd like to remember is that comes from me and is within me... every moment; not from a decaying, prefabricated city-project, in a desert, in some third world, closed, oil rich country.
The Great Navigation
God, I’m so tired. So many obligations, burdens, wants, and dreams.
I want my life to have meaning. But I know that these are just thoughts. Life is lived. Most importantly, I know these are also just wants. And my wants have a dual effect. They simultaneously put down whatever I achieved, lest it stops it from wanting some more, and it never ends in always wanting the next thing… wanting more. It is inside me and it wants more of itself because it is more itself.
Add to this its utilization of my authoritarian past onto my present. And what else could it use but the conditioned from which it came. But I am left with a distrust of myself, because there seems to be no satisfaction… no matter how much I obey. But the truth is… I am lost without direction. I just go to sleep, go to work, watch TV, talk to friends, read this, discover that, experience this and try that. But it does not have to be like this. Otherwise, I demand this or that of myself. Then I die and everything evaporates. And I’m viewing this as if it is pointless. I have to do something with all that.
But I feel I have to fight not to dismiss what I have, whatever it is. Because it’s always the present moment. Yet when I get inspired I have fear. Oh, and fear wants more of itself too. Yes, if I’m afraid of something and run away from it… I get to still have it and be afraid of it. Just like what I do sometimes and keep something I know I don’t know for later.
Hmm, so it’s a “lethal” combination. God knows what else might be at play. Some laziness? Wanting things easy? Simple?
…
Wait. Why don’t I just have what I have. I, already, have what I have. I am what is. Yes, not what I am, but what is. I am the awareness that is aware that there is…whatever. So I already am. I have self-perpetuating dissatisfaction, fear, want, lacking, weakness, unkindness, and unworthiness. I also have patience, clarity, discipline, and kindness. Vision, perseverance, a good heart. And yes, even success.
What I could go home with is: can I be the space for this? I'd really like to achieve something materials ON TOP of a solid non-material foundation. And I'm willing to actually do that.
I want my life to have meaning. But I know that these are just thoughts. Life is lived. Most importantly, I know these are also just wants. And my wants have a dual effect. They simultaneously put down whatever I achieved, lest it stops it from wanting some more, and it never ends in always wanting the next thing… wanting more. It is inside me and it wants more of itself because it is more itself.
Add to this its utilization of my authoritarian past onto my present. And what else could it use but the conditioned from which it came. But I am left with a distrust of myself, because there seems to be no satisfaction… no matter how much I obey. But the truth is… I am lost without direction. I just go to sleep, go to work, watch TV, talk to friends, read this, discover that, experience this and try that. But it does not have to be like this. Otherwise, I demand this or that of myself. Then I die and everything evaporates. And I’m viewing this as if it is pointless. I have to do something with all that.
But I feel I have to fight not to dismiss what I have, whatever it is. Because it’s always the present moment. Yet when I get inspired I have fear. Oh, and fear wants more of itself too. Yes, if I’m afraid of something and run away from it… I get to still have it and be afraid of it. Just like what I do sometimes and keep something I know I don’t know for later.
Hmm, so it’s a “lethal” combination. God knows what else might be at play. Some laziness? Wanting things easy? Simple?
…
Wait. Why don’t I just have what I have. I, already, have what I have. I am what is. Yes, not what I am, but what is. I am the awareness that is aware that there is…whatever. So I already am. I have self-perpetuating dissatisfaction, fear, want, lacking, weakness, unkindness, and unworthiness. I also have patience, clarity, discipline, and kindness. Vision, perseverance, a good heart. And yes, even success.
What I could go home with is: can I be the space for this? I'd really like to achieve something materials ON TOP of a solid non-material foundation. And I'm willing to actually do that.
Law Automation
This article is very good, but only the one about law automation. The other ones are too simplistic. But reading them helped me understand how the writer thinks.
I keep saying this to myself, law is a ripe target for automation. It is made of the very stuff that computers are made from. One is "performed" by humans, the other is run on machines.
I keep saying this to myself, law is a ripe target for automation. It is made of the very stuff that computers are made from. One is "performed" by humans, the other is run on machines.
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